Worst of 2016: Was the Worst Moment When...? Or, Stolen Moments

Was the Worst Moment When...? Or, Stolen Moments 

Was the worst moment when I stood in my black velvet pantsuit and my pink Trample the Patriarchy t-shirt featuring a defiant unicorn — and realized nothing would be trampled — except me.

Was the worst moment when you and I realized we were now in Seattle at the worst party ever, when The Stranger did its sad balloon drop, when the sympathetic man next to me said, "It wasn't about misogyny." — but it was.

Was the worst moment when I talked to my matriarchs, when my aunt emailed, "I am in mourning."; when my mother said, "I'm scared."; when our mothers feared for their Medicare and said they wanted to protest — and they may.

Was the worst moment when I watched despair spilling through my friends' Facebook feeds...

Was the worst moment when it wasn't over...

Was the worst moment when I turned off National Public Radio and drove to work in silence and stopped checking the front page of The New York Times, when at work no one said anything, when I thought about paying taxes, when I realized I could no longer work in corporate America — when I quit.

There is my photo on a bright crisp day, my house behind me flying the American flag, me wearing my Compassion button proudly...

There is the photo of us on election night, you in your "Make America Graves Again" shirt and suit, both of us smiling...

There is the picture in which I am holding up a bright yellow "No Hate in The White House," sign my voice hoarse from yelling into a megaphone: "Racist, Sexist, Anti-Gay, Go Away — No KKK." 

Was the worst moment when I remembered returning a borrowed protest sign to our neighbors. It said, "No anti-Semitism in The White House," and the man said, "Thanks, but I don't know when I'll need to protest anti-Semitism again."

Was the worst moment when I realized now he needed it...

Was the worst moment when I realized there would be hate...

Was the worst moment when I thought about all of the things I had said before the election, how I would feel unsafe as a woman, how I would have to protest, was the worst moment realizing this moment was now.

"We have no value, she said to herself. We can live out our tiny lives. If we want to. If it matters to us." — Philip K. Dick

Was the worst moment reading Sylvia Plath's "I Thought That I Could Not be Hurt," — but I could.

Was the worst moment thinking about women, American girls, girls overseas, immigrants, people with disabilities, veterans, journalists, Mexicans, black people, all of the people who had been disrespected...and worse.

Was the worst moment remembering all of the insults...

Was the worst moment the feeling of injustice...

Was the worst moment remembering reading Half the Sky: Turning Oppression Into Opportunity for Women Worldwide.

 “Americans of faith should try as hard to save the lives of African women as the lives of unborn fetuses.” ― Nicholas D. Kristof

Was the worst moment when I remembered reading the history of Germany in German...

Was the worst moment remembering visiting Berlin, remembering the celebration when the wall came down Nov. 9, 1989, was the worst moment reading Viktor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning, was the worst moment thinking, "Never again," but, now wondering how?

"For the world is in a bad state, but everything will become still worse unless each of us does his best." — Viktor Frankel 

Was the worst moment realizing I did not need to watch The Allies or the second season of The Man in the High Castle...because we may be living it now, thank you very much.

Was the worst moment remembering the Turkish cab driver who said, "We are counting on you."

In this photo, you are leaning against the fallen Berlin Wall...

In this photo, you are resolute beneath a towering granite Martin Luther King, Jr. ...

In this photo, you are standing arms crossed in front of the Franklin Delano Roosevelt Memorial...

"We must scrupulously guard the civil rights and civil liberties of all citizens, whatever their background. We must remember that any oppression, any injustice, any hatred, is a wedge designed to attack our civilization. If reason is to prevail against intolerance, we must always be on guard." — FDR

Was the worst moment remembering reading The House on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet and Snow Falling on Cedars about Japanese internment authorized under FDR, February 19, 1942.

Was the worst moment realizing that even now under this administration we are again attacking Native Americans on their land...

Was the worst moment realizing the people of Flint still don't have clean water...

Also, Black Lives Matter.

Was the worst moment when I thought about climate change, the Environmental Protection Agency, animals, health care...

Was the worst moment remembering the party eight years ago, the historic moment of our first black president, remembering feeling patriotic, was the worst part imagining all of our progress undone...

Was the worst moment thinking about today's symbolism: gold, gilt, greed...

Was the worst moment remembering the impassioned letter I had written as a child in the 80s to our president. It began, "Please don't..." We were all so afraid of nuclear war.

Was the worst moment remembering those fears, was the worst moment feeling them again, was the worst moment realizing they were rational...

 “Nothing makes me more nervous than people who say, ‘It can’t happen here'... Anything can happen anywhere, given the right circumstances.” — Margaret Atwood

Was the worst moment remembering how I'd felt hopeful...

 “Hope can get you through anything.” ― Jamie Ford

Was the worst moment wondering, "What happened to love?"

"Love is the strongest thing in the world, you know...If we love each other we're safe from it all. Love is the biggest thing there is.” ― David Guterson